🤮

Writing this on October 15th, 4.17 in the afternoon. Quick updates: i feel like throwing up (???)

First of all, i have made a dinner reservation later today and i just think i don't want to eat that much (cause it's a buffet), so i'm somewhat nervous about wasting good foods. But then i realised that i was just being too much, cause i should be glad instead that i had this plan to eat nicely on this specific date. It would be a time well-spent with my friends, whom i hope are hungry enough.

Secondly... i'm in a panic mode over the long list of to-do's that i have to tick off. Just booked a one-way ticket home, which is in two weeks so... it would be great to actually move and finish the list. Not just "thinking about it and imagining how easier my life would be if i do everything soon."

Okay. Let me breathe and have a lil chit-chat with myself. Do i feel grateful with my life? Did i call my mom everyday? Have i accomplished the wishes from last year? Did i take care of my body well? I'm really trying to think about it as i write this paragraph. Yes, i do feel grateful. Even i feel SO grateful than how i've ever been before. I'm happy i've been healthy, i did not lose my belongings as often as i used to, i managed to finish my study with satisfying results, i could acknowledge and appreciate what i've done more. I also called my mother more frequently! So i think i made a good progress so far?

Anyway, exactly at 00.00 today, she wrote me a short text. Simple wishes that might sound moderately sweet but, forgive my suddenly sensitive emotional state, made me cry for a short few minutes. I even told her i love her, and i missed her. I don't do it so much, it felt good though. My brother also called in the morning, after some attempts to called earlier, and 'earlier' here equals to 2 or 3 am when obviously i was asleep. He wasn't specifically being sweet, cause basically he's not that kind of person? It was sweet in his own-way-sweet. He's been so busy with school stuffs and he told me he's doing well, telling me many updates on his life. In fact, although i won't say it's often but he still spares his time to randomly call me sometimes. As random as talking about medical references on Greys Anatomy or just.. nearly anything, anytime that he feels like it. 

Some friends also called me, which left me on this tiny and sudden realisation that they really are the friends that i should keep forever. They just genuinely exist beside me, without me needing so much efforts to secure them in my pockets, cause they just don't leave? Low-maintenance friendship is the kind of friendship that should be appreciated more.

So, all these thoughts, coming from also the fact that i'm going back home soon after two years. For good! Looks like in the end buying a one-way ticket yesterday was a good decision, cause it was SO difficult to not delay the flight further to November.. or even December. It was simply a sign i would never be ready to leave this small town. But, thankfully, my own birthday could be a good motivation to just snap it off. No more letting myself thinking too much cause ...for what? It was something impulsive i never knew i needed.

I'm writing this inside my favourite library, but i'm leaving soon. Feels like i've told everything i wanted to. And now, i have decided to sign off and enjoy a little walk before finally eating the good Asian buffet in an hour.

Bye!