We are all Bizarre

Aside of the cinematic experience, which i intend to not discuss right now, classic movies are pure gold. The originality? The honesty... always makes me feel dumb and smart at the same time. Imagine, a whole 90 minutes about someone's day off of school which turns out to be so adventurous and years later be the inspiration of one of the most famous comic-book movies in the world (clearly referring to Ferris Bueller's Day Off reference on Deadpool here). 

This time, i want to talk about Breakfast Club, which i have just rewatched it again recently! Where David Bowie's Changes was shown at the beginning of the movie - which then made me think like THINK.

So, it started with five high school kids locked up together in a library, up early in the morning for a Saturday detention. First of all, as always, they get us confused, i had no idea what was going on. It was so absurd, but the good kind of absurd. They were just explicitly judging(?) each other?? For almost a great 1/3 part of the movie? Until nobody realised when conversation subtly turned into a much deeper conversation; things the youth, even nowadays Youth, concern. Strict parents, difficult times at school. Their mutual secrets. They hated each other, they argued, but at the same time, they knew it, they knew how they actually share the same problems thus they found some sort of instinct to finally conceal each other. 

Let's be honest here; The Breakfast Club starts perfectly and what's better is that the quote really reflects what this movie all about!! How they think their parents and teachers hurt them mentally. And.. yea. I find it so... Real. We were all once confused teenagers, don't we? I've read someone said that Changes is Bowie's teenage anthem, no matter which year this song comes from and Yes, Yes It Is Indeed True.

"Don't tell them to grow up and out of it" 

The song captures the feeling of uncertainty of being young. The peer pressure, the anxiety of being a failure in front of our parents and teachers at school. How we are blamed for things they thought we did not understand. What actually still happens now, Bowie sang it all. It didn't even pressure me to be nostalgic, it just naturally exist, spoke to many people's angst filled teen years.

Also.. When Carrie said,

"What would happen on Monday? Are we still friends?" 

It hurt, ok!! Carrie thought it would be impossible for a girl like her to be friends with a guy like Brian. It just did not work that way in their life. Brian cried. It might sound too cliche, to not being able to befriend someone just because of That. But, i could actually believe her cause It really happens? I've seen and experienced it. How you be friends with people in the same popularity level as yours; The Irony :-))

The message about how we are not meant to impress anyone in our life is too relevant to not be talked about. It can be expressed that in the end of the day, you are not entitled to anyone's happiness, but your own. Since, sometimes we find ourselves unconsciously worried about what other might think or feel towards our actions, and it can get too much sometimes. 

Human interaction is that complicated, which makes probably a good sign to continue my long-due classic movies marathon for a while!

🤮

Writing this on October 15th, 4.17 in the afternoon. Quick updates: i feel like throwing up (???)

First of all, i have made a dinner reservation later today and i just think i don't want to eat that much (cause it's a buffet), so i'm somewhat nervous about wasting good foods. But then i realised that i was just being too much, cause i should be glad instead that i had this plan to eat nicely on this specific date. It would be a time well-spent with my friends, whom i hope are hungry enough.

Secondly... i'm in a panic mode over the long list of to-do's that i have to tick off. Just booked a one-way ticket home, which is in two weeks so... it would be great to actually move and finish the list. Not just "thinking about it and imagining how easier my life would be if i do everything soon."

Okay. Let me breathe and have a lil chit-chat with myself. Do i feel grateful with my life? Did i call my mom everyday? Have i accomplished the wishes from last year? Did i take care of my body well? I'm really trying to think about it as i write this paragraph. Yes, i do feel grateful. Even i feel SO grateful than how i've ever been before. I'm happy i've been healthy, i did not lose my belongings as often as i used to, i managed to finish my study with satisfying results, i could acknowledge and appreciate what i've done more. I also called my mother more frequently! So i think i made a good progress so far?

Anyway, exactly at 00.00 today, she wrote me a short text. Simple wishes that might sound moderately sweet but, forgive my suddenly sensitive emotional state, made me cry for a short few minutes. I even told her i love her, and i missed her. I don't do it so much, it felt good though. My brother also called in the morning, after some attempts to called earlier, and 'earlier' here equals to 2 or 3 am when obviously i was asleep. He wasn't specifically being sweet, cause basically he's not that kind of person? It was sweet in his own-way-sweet. He's been so busy with school stuffs and he told me he's doing well, telling me many updates on his life. In fact, although i won't say it's often but he still spares his time to randomly call me sometimes. As random as talking about medical references on Greys Anatomy or just.. nearly anything, anytime that he feels like it. 

Some friends also called me, which left me on this tiny and sudden realisation that they really are the friends that i should keep forever. They just genuinely exist beside me, without me needing so much efforts to secure them in my pockets, cause they just don't leave? Low-maintenance friendship is the kind of friendship that should be appreciated more.

So, all these thoughts, coming from also the fact that i'm going back home soon after two years. For good! Looks like in the end buying a one-way ticket yesterday was a good decision, cause it was SO difficult to not delay the flight further to November.. or even December. It was simply a sign i would never be ready to leave this small town. But, thankfully, my own birthday could be a good motivation to just snap it off. No more letting myself thinking too much cause ...for what? It was something impulsive i never knew i needed.

I'm writing this inside my favourite library, but i'm leaving soon. Feels like i've told everything i wanted to. And now, i have decided to sign off and enjoy a little walk before finally eating the good Asian buffet in an hour.

Bye! 

The Collection Story Op. 2

Recently, the discussion about mental health awareness has been catching people's attention, or at least people around me. I don't think previously we cared enough to talk about what to do/where to seek help. Especially in the place i grew up, this issue was, how should i say this.. strange? 

Talking about it from my own experience, i've never thought that my friend's problem had something to do with mental health, despite of the symptoms. Can't tell you much about it, but i could say i kind of blamed myself for not being more sensitive. I cared, but i didn't have much references to what i should do, what could i say to not hurt/make her feeling better. But anyway, i'm so thankful of this arising understanding about it, more people would get better help.

Anyway, the reason i'm writing about this is because recently there was someone i liked who passed away. I did not know him personally, but hearing the news was suffocating enough and i didn't even expect i could feel this much hurt. It was not the same level of sadness as having a family member/friend gone, but still, it gave me pain.. Many news coverages said he ended his own life and later found out that he had a depression - judging from a letter he left to someone. Though after all, only him & God know why he chose this, everything is just a speculation. In the end, i chose to not dig too much about it, i just let myself mourn & feel empty. I wanted to just cherish & remember him as a source of joy who carry around happiness (cause he was and will always be remembered like that), and thought he would like everyone to do that way? 

Took me a while to not getting too much emotional every time his song was shuffled on Spotify - now i can listen to The Collection Story Op. 2 on loop all day long with a better feeling. 

Farewell and thanks! You have given people hope and strength and We Love You Always!!