How to be grateful

It's 22.41, which means in about an hour, it's already another day.

There are a few reasons why I've always had mixed feelings about this kind of day. Firstly, it is a birthday, my birthday. Secondly, I realised it lately, the older i get, the harder and longer it takes me to know what i really think of it. 

As a kid, birthdays became the day where i get so much attention that i wanted. It was the day i got to ask for presents and cakes. I was a lucky kid though, my parents loved me. They often cook me good foods, took me out for a nice dinners out, rewarded my good behaviours with stuffs i liked: books or barbie dolls. Even i had my own birthday celebrations with some classmate and the theme was Disney! 

Growing older, i felt a change. Birthdays gave me different feels. Of course, i felt happy when my family congratulated me in the birthday mornings and all, but i was sure that was really, the only thing i needed. Growing up meant you got more friends. The amount of attentions, too, kind of grew a lot. Kind of bigger than what i usually could afford. Those birthday greetings in the school corridor... Not that it was unpleasant, I was just simply confused to mentally prepare my own responses. Should i smile? Should i just be excited without too much smile? Should i sing along when they sing the 'happy birthday' song....? 

I didn't know why it matters, it just happened. It's just one of my anxiety episodes. What i have on my mind doesn't always show well, not in my facial expressions, or even words i convey. I've tried to make attempts on changing though I don't know yet if changing would make it better or worse. It was like playing puzzles, some pieces were just somewhere, you wouldn't know the whole picture before you put everything where it fits. So, it went on and on until i graduated from high school. 

Entering college, i felt like i was in a whole different world. I started to express myself well, started to learn how to respond in different situations. As i got much closer with some friends, birthday celebrations turned into things we have fun with. Different birthdays, different ways to celebrate. They were really, really fun. Though birthday attentions still had me struggled, i handled it way better. You know what's cool? It's been 6 years and this routine has not even stopped!! We kept celebrating each other's special day foolishly. Their attentions started to turn into something i really cherish, i look forward to - cause i know well they do really care and want to make me feel happy. 

The time i understood that, i began to think how what i've suffered all this time was actually nothing. I was just afraid to accept people's feelings cause I never thought people could actually care. I had never believed my presence could mean something. I looked myself low, i didn't know how to give and take kindness well. All i knew was that i was not more than someone just passing by other people's life without really giving any meaning. 

But, i think it doesn't bother me anymore. I have learned well! Birthdays are fun.

Happy October 15th and happy birthday to me. 

Talking about the weather 24x7

May is coming!!

Me ++ along with everyone else is expecting more sunny days. Like real sunny days without the pretty snow?!

April was supposed to be the start of spring since the flowers have started blooming everywhere. But it somehow described 'a perfect depiction of Swedish weather.' Things were funny in April, how I woke up on a sunny day yet it rained ice in the afternoon. Even sometimes the weather could change 3 or 4 times within a short time, like 'I swear it was sunny 5 minutes a go but look now it's snowing!'

I'm not complaining here, 'weather' is just a very good choice of topic. Anywhere, anytime. You can just casually say "today's weather is so nice" if you don't know what to say. Either you really mean it or not, weather has always been something people put attention to. Weather application is too, very appreciated. Going out without checking today's temperature sounds like a terrifying idea - speaking of personal experiences where I did not wear proper shoes and my toes got frozen badly.

How about now? Have I addapted well? ...I think so? At least now it is easier for me to dress accordingly, somehow reminds me of how I've lost my gloves & broke my umbrella several times (things that happen probably from my natural habit to be clumsy all the time).

Firsts of Things

Just woke up from a pretty long nappy. 10 hours were quite relaxing enough for my dizzy head. 

Can you guess what was my first meal here?

PIZZAAAAAAAAAA

It tasted like heaven. Not that it had the best taste in the world, i was just hungry. No, starving even. After a lovely journey with 2 suitcases and one back pack, how can i not. I ate the pizza in the midst of the uni's arrival day. I still had to carry my babies again back home later, that was why i needed to eat otherwise i believed i'd faint. Not literally carrying it though, just simply pushing all of them with me cause the International Mentor will be taking each of us home by car. 

Anyway, I had a funny story about it. After finishing all the things listed in the arrival day like checking in, buying a new SIM card, getting the free transportation card etc, all the new students had to stand in line before going home. To cut it short, finally we were on our way home. From 5 people, 3 already got off. Not so far from AF building (the building where we did all the arrival day things). Left were just me and one girl. The mentors kept driving the car yet it seemed like we were heading to a highway. 

Me: are we lost? It must not be this far right? (didn't really say it, just a voice in my head)

The mentor kept going and going until we arrived in a.... building. Well, it didn't really look like a student housing compared to the previous ones where the other students got off? It was still under construction or something. But, this is my new house. Didn't have the pictures yet, will talk about it later. 

Update: i like my new house. Once i entered, it was obvious everything is new. And white. Very.. clean. I like.

---

Here are some random pictures i got in my phone. Bye for now. Night.

(Not) My Kind of Day

Here i am, enjoying the super-fine Chocolate Chip Cream in everyone's theoretically favourite coffee shop in the world!

Obviously, I'm here for some reasons.

• It's my second day back home after a short vacation to grandma's place. I simply don't want to just spend the remaining days by staying at home. It was a torture to just spend your free time doing nothing (if only laying around in bed watching tv shows count to 'doing nothing'). Anyways, it's the second month since i left my job, and i have this thought of "why don't I just go out and not become a couch potato." Thanks to this sudden homework! The one i'm finishing right now, despite writing this paragraph.
• Coffee shop has the ambience that helps me to concentrate better. The sound of cash register, the good music playing from some corners, the busy-baristas activities, the different kind of coffee ordered by the customers (which mostly i haven't heard about before since they are not on the menus, i don't know where they know them, or maybe they are just personal favourites). I sometimes took a few minutes stop from doing whatever i'm doing, and just stare at what's happening around. It's just interesting to watch.

My One Stop Ukulele Tune

Have you ever listened to a song and you're like wooshing back to a certain part of your memory? I bet you already have that kind of moment, too.

If the first song I heard wasn't "A Love Beach, Sadranan," I would probably go far beyond on the band name-guessing game. Sadranan beach is located in Yogyakarta, Indonesia. It does justice to the beach, it was so original, something I don't know our local bands have -- which later I realized I did underestimate. For me personally, the beach kinda feels much more special ever since there's a song named after it. I had been there before and I had a grrrreat time! Great time+awesome tribute song. And of course - the ukulele??! One of the best music inventions in the world. It produces unique melodies I reaallyy adore. The ukulele gives me that breezy - beachy feeling, like there's wind twirling around me as I'm sitting under an imaginary coconut tree with a bunch of friends. Jamming to a song we don't even know!!! 

Second song I heard, "Hills of Rabbit Face," is magical!! Truly magical. Once I got to the beginning of the song, my thought went to the mysterious tea-party Alice in Wonderland attends. The Chessire grinning Cat. Mad Hatter. Tweedledee/Tweedledum. Blue Caterpillar. The journey thru the hole. Every detailed thing in the wonderland. The song has succeed since the very beginning. I think I won't ever get bored to the song, I'm just gonna create other magical stories with it. 

I sometimes just go to their Soundcloud and find more cool tunes. "I Just Need To Know Your Name" is a sweet love song for a falling in love situation. The lyric is not as metaphorical as their songs used to be, and it's a good thing. Their lyrics are never exaggerating. 

Let's support them, let's support Answer Sheet.

To die by your side, is such a heavenly way to die -- The Smiths

Semua orang pasti punya satu (atau beberapa) referensi yang selalu ia gunakan sehari-harinya. Bisa diambil dari film, buku, musik, dan dari sumber-sumber lainnya. Misalnya karena baru nonton film Begin Again, jadi pengen bawa headset splitter + 2 headsets kemanapun -- in case ketemu stranger yang bisa sesuka hati diajak dengerin musik sambil jalan-jalan tanpa tujuan. Atau, jadi punya moto hidup baru habis dengerin lagu Fidelity-nya Regina Spektor. 

Dan sekarang saya ingin menulis film favorit yang jadi referensi saya dalam banyak hal. Judulnya (500) Days of Summer. 

Pertama kali nonton film ini (kayanya) jaman-jaman masih SMA. Tapi dulu itu jujur rada pusing alias ga ngerti sama jalan ceritanya, padahal dibilang kompleks juga ngga juga sih.. Apa pusing liat Gordon-Levitt nya ya (?). Relationship di film ini sederhana, tapi complicated (?). Summer punya cara pandang yang semaunya sendiri -- menurut saya waktu itu.

Kelarnya hubungan mereka pun jadi pertanyaan. Kayanya sampe nonton film ini 2-3 kali biar paham. Dari ekspektasi awal yang bakal suka kisahnya, saya malah kagum berat sama sinematografinya. Soundtracknya. Kata-katanya. Hampir tiap scene bawaannya pengen diprintscreen. Kamar chalkboard. Tato gambar gedung. Adegan di lift. The Smiths. Cute IKEA date - which changed my opinion about IKEA forever (yang mungkin kalo suatu hari ke IKEA, bakal ketawa sendiri kalo ketemu chinese family). Ngomongin Ringo Starr di toko piringan hitam. Relationship goal: fulfilled. Sangat suka juga sama trivia-trivianya; betapa artwork penanda hari punya warna yang berbeda-beda, tergantung suasana hubungan Tom dan Summer, betapa baju yang dipakai Summer sengaja dipilih warna yang bisa nonjolin warna matanya, betapa lagu Sweet Disposition dipakai jadi latar belakang yang sungguh pas, betapa sutradara film ini adalah Marc Webb.

Sekarang, setelah nonton film ini lagi, dimana posisinya sekarang udah jadi a more mature person, I could relate more of its story to my life, and I could say.. it's quite related kajskdjksjdh. Keyboard Smash. There might always be a Summer and Tom in ourselves. 

Seek and Ye Shall Find!

I read this book with racing adrenaline -- started slowly, but as the story went on and on I couldn't handle my excitement.

"Seek and ye shall find"

My biased overlook on Tom Hanks' role as Robert Langdon might affect why I enjoyed all those long historical explanations throughtout the book, yes, I really think he suits the character really well. Whenever Dan Brown mentioned Langdon's physical descriptions, I think of Hanks. Vice versa. 

I really lost deeply into Dan Brown's sophisticated knowledges about history and obviously, Dante. I heard that name a lot, Dante, Dante, Dante.. The more I read the book, the more I got interested studying Dante and all his works, his poems. How his writings gave such big impacts to other human beings. How his theories inspired a lot of arts. How he gained all the appreciations for his thoughts and the way he saw the world -- or must I say.. Hell?

                    

Inferno brought me to a nightmare, I was forced to think about the terrifying over-populated world. It never even crossed my mind. From the graph bellow, we could see how the population curved, how it multiplied way much during 1000-2000 C. I know it's confusing, it gave me a second thought about the cause. The explanation given made me kinda taking the dark - villain side, once. Crazy as it sounds, I was between dillemas. Totally had no idea how Dan Brown would end this book.

Well I won't say anymore about the plot since I myself hate spoillers. My further description might bother the thrilling parts. Inferno also brought me to magnificent places -- Florence, Venice and Istanbul. Venice is a perfect metaphor choice for the over-population crisis thing. This book told a lot about the cities' historical buildings, anything related to Dante. The descriptions were beyond my expectations, they were all very detailed-written. Dan Brown must've had a very deep and toughtful research about all of these, I really am a fan. It's uh-ma-zing.

Overall, it's really my kind of book. The book I immediately wanna know how it ends but also feels sad leaving it, haha. Dan Brown guaranteed all of us surprises -- yep you'll see a lot of surprises.. Yesterday I also googled about the movie which has just started filming 6 days a go.. absolutely gonna take a long time. Rumored, it will be released on October 2016. From what I've seen, the one playing Sienna looks attractive and has beauty qualities as well as I imagined, but why didn't I see blonde hair? Isn't Sienna blonde? And the one portraying Dr. Sinskey looks fits in too, though I haven't seen her silver hair. Whatever, I'm looking forward for anything related to Inferno.

Cheers to the ancient conspiracy puzzle lover, the Mickey Mouse - watch clad professor.